My second Pregnancy but my first Miscarriage

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My Miscarriage story

It was a normal day in our household. Just going through the normal routines. Wake up, fetch Vicky (My 1 and a half-year-old daughter), give her a bottle and change her nappie. Once I had completed that I decided, let’s take the test!. As nervous as I was I went and grabbed the test, unpackaged it and went to the bathroom.

Now we have been suspecting I was pregnant for a little while, we decided about month prior to start trying for our next little bundle of joy. Sitting in that bathroom for those few minutes, waiting for the test to show its results were terrible. The emotions that start filling your brain, the anxiety that starts filling your body and then…Positive 1-2 weeks. Ahhh! right? Excitement? No, just shock. I built up so much anxiety and emotions that when I saw that positive result I wasn’t sure which emotion to feel. I just sat on the toilet just shocked and thinking. Our 2nd bundle of joy is a little seed in my tummy.

I ran upstairs, anxiously waiting for my husband to come out of the shower & Then i dropped the news. WE’RE PREGNANT!. We just sat at that moment, we were excited. we didn’t expect it to be this quick but we are pregnant! We started sharing the news. First and foremost, of course, my best friend had to know!. A few days later we told my parents and his parents. Everyone was excited. Another little being was coming to the party!

A little down the line, by my calculations, I was around 7 weeks pregnant. My best friend Michaela was planning our gender reveal party, we were starting to plan the nursery and Michael and I were discussing names for both sexes. We have been through this before so we thought everything was going to go the same route, every pregnancy is different, yes, but couldn’t be that different.

I didn’t really feel pregnant, but we just blamed that on the fact that I was still in early stages of pregnancy and I was comparing my symptoms to the first pregnancy, but deep down I felt something wasn’t right but also in the back of my mind thought that I was over thinking it as I do with most things.

It was Thursday, a general day at work. After a day full of meetings I decided to take a trip to the bathroom. To my surprise, there was blood, not a lot but just enough to see that when I wiped it was streaks of pink – Panic set in. Why is there blood! I immediately asked my husband to phone the gynecologist for an emergency appointment.

With my best friend searching for every reason as to why there could be blood and my mom trying to calm me down, saying it could just be an infection that can be cleared up quickly, we were all avoiding the one main reason but we all silently knew.

My appointment was set for the next day, 8:45 sharp. We arrived early, anxiously waiting for us to be called in. Michael holding me saying everything will be okay my love. Oh, but we didn’t know…

After explaining to the Gynae why we came, we started with the scan. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. Watching the screen carefully looking for a sign and then HEY! there’s my baby, I can see my baby. I remember shouting this in my head, as to somehow tell myself everything is fine. The gynae looking very suspicious then asked to do an internal scan for a better picture as my baby was still quite small. He then proceeded to ask me if I was sure that I was 7 weeks. Well according to my last period, yes I am 7 weeks gestationally pregnant, to which he answered this is not good. Either you ovulated much later then you think you did or….. you’re having a miscarriage.

After getting dressed, we walked to the desk where he sat and said: “I’m sorry I wish I had good news but it looks like you are going to have a miscarriage”. Most of the conversation after that went from 1 ear out the other. The last thing I remember him saying was to come back on Monday morning for a final scan before I’m booked in for a D&C later that day. You will have some bleeding over the weekend but nothing serious was his last comment before we left the room.

We went home, shocked and terrified by what I had just heard. In a whirlwind of emotions. I was an emotional wreck. Nothing can prepare you for this. I didn’t know what was going on or anything about a miscarriage. I didn’t get this pep talk in my life orientation class in school or casually hear about it through conversation. I learned about periods and pregnancy but never about miscarriage.

I prayed that nothing would happen before Monday but it did. I started to experience some light cramping and my bleeding became more throughout the day. I just sat with my husband as we watch a series to keep our minds off of what was happening. My mom was my rock and google at this point, going through a miscarriage at home you are never sure what is and isn’t considered normal. Knowing she had been through this before gave me comfort to ask for guidance and help.

By morning I had lost both the sack with the baby and the placenta, my bleeding was heavy but not heavier than a period. I remember sitting there staring at my baby sack knowing that I will never get to hold him/her, rock him/her to sleep or give that beautiful head a kiss. My baby was gone, I felt hollow and numb.

I made it to Monday, the waiting to have the D&C done was incredibly long but in some way, I was grateful that the worst part was done. I was just ready to put this behind me so that I could heal and overcome this horrible situation. I tried to keep perspective and focus on the things I’m grateful for like my beautiful daughter.

It’s going on 2 weeks since my miscarriage. My recovery road physically is going great. My body has bounced back fast and I have experienced very little pain and discomfort. Mentally I still have a long road ahead, but I am strong. I will never truly understand why this happened and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, although sometimes we never know what the reasons are.

If you are currently going through this or have gone through this, I take my hat off to you. Just know that once you are through the heart break and sorrow you will come out the other side a stronger woman & take your time to process this loss. Take the time to feel the sorrow because that’s what makes us human.

It’s not an easy thing to talk about. It’s not something that comes up in a general conversation but I feel it’s important that we do talk about this. Many woman and girls don’t even know. I didn’t until it happened to me and my story is just 1 of thousands of stories. Be prepared and know what you can do and when to panic and that is exactly why it’s important to educate our daughters about miscarriage. The same way we educate them on periods and pregnancy.